Anyone who is not awed and inspired to have the honor of being a teacher is a nitwit and should stop teaching immediately. Many do, they just forget to quit. From those ranks of toilers and lookers-on, a fortunate few become the "educational leaders" of both our teachers and our children.Being fairly close to Presidents Day, it's appropriate to point out that the kind of leadership some of us have been treated to is the same kind that discovered the new world.You take Columbus, of whom we eye-ties are very proud, thank you very much. We're so thankful to him that we forget that Columbus damn near died, then he found some folks running around in some banana leaves, and after claiming everything he found for some Queen, not his own one, … [Read more...]

Well, it finally happened. Somebody bought my book and then they went and read it.No, seriously, that happened awhile ago. What was different this time was that the person actually gave half a crap and went and reviewed it. Now, I know what they say about the dangers of believing your own PR. Look at what happened to that hoser that wrote "One Million Pieces", which turned out to be more like "5 easy pieces and a big load of crap". I guess I should be grateful I got three stars and comments that she liked my writing and that the book was a "light, easy read" and a sort of multi-culturalist's delight.That last one would have any of my friends choking on their pork rinds and spitting Yuengling out their noses. Let's not forget that, from … [Read more...]

One of life's little mysteries is why some things you do in a negligent sort of way turn out to be wildly popular, while more serious endeavors meet with, well, a sort of big fat cosmic yawn. So all these years I've been working on being a serious writer like Steinbeck, Bellow, or Buckwald, and some little fluff pieces I cranked out in about seven minutes on the perils of fatherhood just made people giddy with delight. So when I wrote Bluegrass, I figured I should listen to what P.T. Barnum said and give 'em what they want, which was at least a little humor every other page or so. Or, well, at least every couple chapters. That and lots of wild sex.But I knew my mom was gonna read the book, so I went easy on the wild sex. That got me … [Read more...]

Well, you have to admit, that's a snappy title, and I'm sure something will come to me about the tough choices bluegrassers have to make concerning their avocation. I have to call it that because most of us don't make any money at this to speak of, which is really a clever code that I hope the IRS doesn't understand.Let's face it, despite the fact that traditional bluegrass nuts* are generous to a fault with the things that they have, they are equally famous for their frugality. Where else would you see an old gas stove strapped to the back of a '72 Chevy pick-up with a brace of twenty-pounders on the running boards, while the operator grills venison chops and brags that the whole shootin' match, steaks, truck, stove and all only "costed … [Read more...]

Well, on a recent walk-about I found myself thinking about the "icons of 'grass"*, which of course includes the father of us all, Bill. What started the whole thing was the thought that almost everybody I know on the bluegrass beat is defined by the instruments they play and not the jobs they do for the other 100 hours a week. It's exactly like a family: you see a small number of them almost every day, then a few times a year you all get together and do something wild and then talk about it for the next ten weeks or months. Who wastes time talking about Chuck, the actuary, when he is also the guy that grills the best venison in the universe or the only one that ever survived a tumble down a large hill in a Porta-potty during some heavy … [Read more...]

Bluegrass has a langauge all its own. Here are some commonly used terms you can sprinkle into your bluegrass conversation to sound as authentic as a died-in-the-wool hill billy picker.Ale: sickness of any sort. "I drank a pint of shine and I was miserable ale." (See also chaw)a-tall: Not any."He got no brains a-tall."Blonded: Inablity to see." He got chaw in his eye and got blonded."Chaw: tobacco product meant to be chewed and spit."He swallered his chaw and got ale."Far: a chemical reaction producing visible light and radiant energy that is most commonly the result of oxidation of organic compounds."Don't sit in the far too long---it'll wreck yer pants."Haint: a ghost, or not having the ability to do something."He haint goin' make … [Read more...]

Medical Tips for Bluegrass Fans The popular image of bluegrass fans among those who know no better is that we are a pack of banjo-picking, sister-marrying, toothless idiots with absolutely no taste or decorum. Of course nothing could be further from the truth. Not all of us play the banjo. But anyway, the world of bluegrass, especially the really really really neat world of bluegrass festivals, brings with it a unique blend of medical and survival hazards that civilians might not be prepared to deal with. To avoid head, back, and heart-aches---which are all well and good in bluegrass songs but not so hot when it is you yourself that has them---I offer the following list of tips, the result of 30 years of mis-spent youth (or … [Read more...]

The net is a strange--sometimes a hyperstrange-- environment for a guy that grew up on Dick Tracey, Mr. Wizard and Gunsmoke, but I've met wonderful folks on-line, and of course love the freedom and randominity of the whole idea. I hope those of you who have already purchased Bluegrass have enjoyed the read. It was my humble hope to capture some of the "Wild-Wild West" realities that make up the unterverld* of the bluegrass subculture, which tends to be an amazing amalgam of computer geeks, deisel mechanics, doctors, truck drivers, cleaning ladies, all melded together by the music, oh, and especially by the musicians of this most excellent genre. I was at an old-time C&W concert last month, playing,working sound, drinking beer and … [Read more...]

From the time he was two, Sterling Schiffler loved to read aloud. It came as naturally to him as birdsong, as smooth as a cool, mysterious, foggy fall morning, as definite as cedars burdened by shawls of snow, reeling ahead like ranks of defeated soldiers in the winter sun.By the time he was five, he was a rapacious reader, big news in his hometown of Crisfield, Maryland, where most everybody either ran, repaired, built, stored, crewed, painted or stored boats or hauled oyster shells for fill or number one jimmies up to Baltimore for the pittance they gave you for risking your life.Naturally the town was proud when he graduated at sixteen, the youngest ever in the history of the high school. They were equally proud when he was accepted at … [Read more...]